Kathleen Marie Herd Phillips

 

December 29, 1975 – July 25, 2010

Kathy passed away early this morning in the hospice facility where she has spent the last week of her life.  Kelly (our older sister) and I were by her side and she was at peace. 

Since arriving at the hospice facility on Monday, Kathy had experienced several lucid days in the middle of the week.  During this time, she told jokes, frequently rolled her eyes in sarcasm at our attempts at humor, and visited briefly with her daughter.  She shared  several of her favorite memories and consistently thanked our family and the hospice staff for everything that was being done for her to ensure her comfort.  On several occasions, she noted that she “liked it” at the facility and that it was a “nice place to be”.  By Thursday afternoon, she was comfortable but no longer responsive.  At the time of her passing, she was not in any pain and appeared peaceful.

Kathy was, first and foremost, a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend.  She took each and every one of her roles in life seriously, although always with a sense of humor and goodness, and was an exceptional human being in every way.  She and I once had a conversation in which we tried to characterize ourselves (based on what those who knew us would say) with only one word.  The word that we finally chose for her was “good.”  She thought the descriptor was boring…but I thought that it said it all.  She was not only good at all of the roles and tasks on which she set her sights, but she was also a good-hearted person.  She had an amazing spirit and always strived to ensure that everyone else was happy, comfortable, and content in her presence.  This was the way she lived her life and, I believe, this is the way that she should forever be remembered.

For anyone who would like to join us in celebrating Kathy’s life, a service will be held at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, July 28, 2010, at the Chapel of Hall-Wynne Funeral Service (1113 W. Main St. in Durham).  Friends are welcome to visit the family prior to the service (at the Chapel) from 5:30-7:00 p.m.

On Thursday, right before falling into her deepest and final sleep, Kathy told me that she did not want flowers…instead, she wanted people to make donations to an organization that focused on improving the lives of children with cancer.  Therefore, should you be interested in memorializing Kathy’s loving spirit and the “goodness” that made her the special person that she was to all of us, please feel free to make a donation, in Kathy’s memory, to Specialove for Children with Cancer at www.specialove.org.

Thank you all for supporting Kathy throughout her fight and for following her journey to the end.  She will never be forgotten and will continue to inspire us all with our own special memories and moments that we were fortunate enough to have shared with her. 

With love,

Corey

The Worst

I hate to even say it…but it’s me (Corey) again.  Kathy asked me to get on her blog once more to get in touch with all of you.  I am so sad to tell you that I don’t have any good news.  She asked that I fill you all in, though, so here is the update:

Kathy’s procedure to place the stent in her bile duct (in order to get her liver working again) was scheduled for this past Monday.  The radiologists decided that afternoon that she was not a candidate for the stent after all because of the tumors in her liver…so they opted instead for an external drain.  That procedure was completed on Monday afternoon; following extreme pain on Tuesday, however, she went back into surgery only to discover that the tube had a perforation in it…and she needed to have it removed and replaced immediately.  The tube was replaced and the majority of the pain in that area dissipated. 

Unfortunately, that evening and into Wednesday, Kathy continued to have severe pain in her back…her cough was worsening as well.  We discovered that she now has a tumor on her backbone that was causing additional pain and the cancer has also continued to advance quickly in her lungs…she was officially diagnosed with “advance-stage lung disease.”  Even at that point, however, her oncologist continued to focus on the improvement of the liver:  “If the liver function improves with the drain, we can send you home.  If we can send you home, we can begin the next round of chemotherapy to target the cancer in the lungs—and now, in the backbone.”

By Thursday, Kathy was in and out of consciousness, primarily because of the pain medication that she needed to maintain any level of comfort (and honestly, it still seemed as though she was in a great deal of pain), and secondary to the lack of liver function (this can also cause extreme fatigue).  The bilirubin number HAD gone down slightly that day, though…so perhaps the drain was finally working…??

On Friday, however, the bilirubin began to go back up…NOT what we wanted to see…and Kathy continued to need oxygen simply to breathe.  Occasionally, her cough got the better of her and she fought for breathe with everything that she had.  By this morning (Saturday), the bilirubin had increased even more.  Kathy has been in extreme pain, despite the codeine that she has been given…and her lungs are simply no longer doing their job.

Essentially, she is now in liver failure.  The doctors are as devastated as we are but have told us that there is nothing more that they can do…Per Kathy’s wishes, she is going to remain in the hospital for the weekend and then on Monday, we are going to transport her to, and make sure that she is as comfortable—and pain-free—as possible in, an in-patient hospice facility that is a little closer to home.  The doctors are now predicting that she has anywhere from two days to several weeks left with us. She has asked that only immediate family visit her…she wants everyone to remember her only as the strong and vibrant fighter that she truly is!

Although Kathy is probably not going to be able to proof-read this blog of mine (I made sure that she went through my last one with a fine-tooth comb before posting it!), and as hard as it is for me to even type this, I promised her that I would let you all know what is going on because, even now, she hates to leave everyone in the dark…so with that said, please send all the love, light, and prayers that you have in your hearts this way.

A Tough Time

Hi Everyone…so this is actually Corey, Kathy’s sister…not to worry!!!  She is hanging in there and doing all right.  Kathy asked that I update everyone since your support has been so amazing.  She is counting on all of you to pray for her and to keep her in your thoughts—but at this point, she is literally just too fatigued to do the writing (although we all know that I can’t even try to do her amazing writing over the last six months any justice at all!). 

The update is as follows: 

Approximately two weeks ago, Kathy began to struggle with her cough and with fatigue.  She contacted her oncologist a few times…initially, the physician told her that it “was related to the cancer”; eventually, the physician relented and told her to come in for some testing.  Based on the testing, it was clear that she had a urinary tract infection.  Okay…this was treatable.  Not a problem, right?—Go on antibiotics…Unfortunately, however, the medication did not seem to dissuade the fatigue…and the itchiness…and the cough…and the bruising…Kathy assumed that these were all symptoms related to the ugly cancer itself.  These symptoms could be addressed by the chemo, right?!…The goal was to GET THE CHEMO!  This past Friday, feeling the worst that she has felt in several months, we went to Duke for her chemotherapy (the new cocktail prescribed by the folks at MD Anderson)!

Following the initial blood tests (always the prelude to the chemotherapy), we were told that her liver was not working properly…hence the reason for her jaundiced appearance, bruising, itchiness, and ultra-fatigue.  Ultimately, a duct was clogged, which needs to be opened in order to ensure that her liver is doing its job.  She needed to be admitted and chemotherapy was not going to be an option this week.   Needless to say, Kathy was NOT happy about this…perhaps defeated is the best word to describe the response.    To add insult to injury, based on a CT scan that afternoon, we discovered that the cancer has spread in both her liver and her lungs; ultimately, the tumors have grown in her liver and are now blocking the ducts that allow the liver to function properly. Seriously?!  It’s only been six weeks since the last chemotherapy infusion…DAMN CANCER!!!

After multiple hours of waiting and the CT scan to confirm the blocked duct, a bed was made available and Kathy was transported to the hospital for admission into the Cancer Treatment Unit.  She is now resting (comfortably thanks to multiple doses of codeine and lots of additional intravenous antibiotics) and is waiting for Monday (or Tuesday), when she will have the stent procedure to open up a duct into her liver.   This procedure (Everyone, cross your fingers!!!) will make her MUCH more comfortable and energetic…it will also allow for her to begin the new chemotherapy regime in a week or so, assuming that the procedure goes as planned. 

Kathy is feeling a bit more optimistic again…she believes that she will at least FEEL better again—and I agree!!!…AND she is trusting her amazing husband and crazy family (me included—she is a total nut for this part, by the way!) to take care of her amazing, beautiful, above-average-in-every-way daughter while she is in the hospital. 

I am hoping that she will take back the reigns to this blog as soon as possible…obviously, she is the talented one in the family when it comes to writing…I am simply the big sisterJ.  If everyone can cross their fingers, pray to their gods (God), and send forth their biggest and best hugs, however, I would much appreciate it!!!  Thank you—and Kathy will be back on-line soon!