The plan

I met with my Oncologist today.  He wanted to get me into a Trial, here at Duke…4 chemos, 2 of which I had the last round – Oxilliplatin and Xeloda.  But because my white count kept dropping before, I wasn’t eligible.

So, now the plan is to start the chemo regimen Dr. A recommended last week…but I’ll have it done here, so I won’t have to travel.  It will be an infusion every 2 weeks.

I’ve been having some pretty bad stomach aches for the past week…my Oncologist said it’s to be expected, and recommended pain killers.  I’m not ready for those yet!  In my mind, that’s like admitting defeat – and I’m not ready to do that!  But today I got sick this morning and tonight.  I have to get this back under control, or I will start to lose the weight that I worked so very hard to put on.

I’m ready for chemo to start again….at least then I will feel like I’m doing something.

On a bright side…at just 15 months old (15 months, 1 week and 6 days – to be exact!) Alison pee’d in the potty!!!!!  We weren’t pushing her to do that yet…but she was at daycare, and has been acting interested – so her teacher decided to give it a try today, and she did it!!!!  It still gets me how excited I get about the silliest little things…My baby’s growing up so fast, I wish I could just freeze time.

We’re back!

We’re home! Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers.

I went for the consultation, and the Dr. was very nice…straight-forward and to the point.  No beating around the bush for him!  Which was good…I hate it when I leave a Drs office more confused then when I go in.  Not the case at MD Anderson!

He gave me 2 options…the first was a clinical trial – but there was a 33% chance that I would be given a placebo instead of the actual medicine.  At my age, with a 15-month old daughter and a husband, those odds were too high for me.

So I opted for the 2nd option…A different chemotherapy drug that I will get via infusion every 2 weeks.  I’m a little nervous about how my body may react to it…but I’m eager to get started on it.  I feel like this break from treatment has gone on too long, and I need to get back in the game.

The Dr. didn’t say the words that I so desperately wanted to hear – that this was all just a big mix-up and mistake and I was perfectly healthy…but at least he has a plan.

I meet with my regular oncologist here on Monday, and we’ll hopefully start to move forward soon with treatment.

It’s been a roller-coaster few days, emotionally.  Alot of thoughts have run through my head…thoughts that I’ve been trying to avoid having.  As hard as I am going to fight, and as much as I’m determined to win…I still need to be realistic…and this is going to be ugly.  I just need to stay strong – for my daughter, my husband, my family and friends…I’m going to just have to fight harder.

MD Anderson

So, I’m here!  I’m at the hotel, getting ready to head over to MD Anderson. 

“Nervous” doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.  A part of me wants to turn around and run home and hide.  I feel like this is it…my last chance…I hate that feeling.  I need to remember – it’s not over until I say it is…and I’m not ready to say it yet.

I’ll keep you all posted!

Link to photos!!!!!

One of the photographers that photographed me and my family is Wende Trew.  She’s out of Wendell, NC and does an amazing job!!!  I’ve photographed weddings with her, when I was shooting more (I’ve taken a break from photography, with everything going on), and she is absolutely wonderful to work with.  She’s been a wonderful mentor for me, and has a heart of gold!

Here’s a link to her blog, if you want to see the pictures of me and my family:  http://atimelessimageblogspot.com/

MD Anderson appt.n coming up!

I heard from MD Anderson – my appointment is 6/22.  I don’t really have any more details yet….so I’ll post when I know more.

This past weekend, I had a family photo-shoot with my amazing husband and beautiful daughter.  I have some amazing friends that are photographers, and they did the shoot.  They gave me permission to post them here, so when I get the files I’ll post some.  It was an emotionally difficult session, for obvious reasons, but they made me feel so comfortable and at ease.  I got a little sneak peak and the images are stunning!!!!  I can’t wait to post them!

Today was my first day without wearing my hats or scarves.  My hair has grown back to a short pixy cut.  You’ll see it in the photos!!  It’s still alittle too short for me, but I got a lot of compliments on it. 

Also this weekend, Tony and I got new phones – Motorola Droids!!!!  Yeah, we’re finally joining the 21st century!  Does this mean I’m going to have to open a Twitter account so I can blog on the fly?!???  I’ve been avoiding Twitter – I can’t get sucked into yet another social site!!!  *sigh* I may cave….we’ll see….

Not great news….

I went back to the Oncologist today, to meet with the lead Dr. on my team, and to have chemo.  It turned into a pretty rough day….

I found out that there’s not just one spot on my liver, but multiple small ones.  So basically, the cancer has spread.  So as far as my past chemo, it’s considered “mixed results” – the tumor in my stomach and lymph nodes have shrunk, but at the same time it’s spread to my liver.  So there’s no point in continuing the chemo regimen that I was on.

The next regimen is Taxal, which is a different drug.

But before we start that, we’ve decided to get a 2nd opinion.  When we brought it up today at the appointment, my Oncologist actually jumped at the suggestion, saying that he encouraged it.  He’s going to try to get me an appointment at MD Anderson in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I’m on another break from chemo.  He didn’t want to start a new regimen that may cause me to be too sick to travel.

I have a multitude of emotions running through me…on one hand, I’m terrified of what all this may mean…on the other, I still can’t believe that it’s real.

I’m just going to have to fight harder, that’s all.

No Chemo…but CT results!

Thank you for all of the prayers and positive thoughts!!!!  Today was an up and down type of day….

I did not have chemo today – my white cell count was too low again…They didn’t give me a shot to bring my count up – they want to see if it will come back up on its own.  I go back on Thursday to see if they are up and have the chemo then.

Now…onto my CT scan!  I got the results….the cancer that was there originally has shrunk!  The primary tumor in my stomach, and the lymph nodes are showing decreased activity!!!  Yay!!!!!!  Prayers answered!!!!!!

However (there’s always a “however” it seems)….my lungs show the same – not worse, not better.  And now, there’s a spot showing in my liver.  A small spot, but a spot all the same.  So…was that spot there before and the scans just didn’t pick it up?  Is it a new spot?  The Dr. isn’t sure – but it’s not great news….yet another spot to watch.

So…I’ve been meeting with a Nurse Practitioner (NP).  On Thursday, I’ll meet with the Oncologist that is the lead on my team.  He’s going to review my scan and my low counts, and decide if anything needs to be changed with my Chemo.  I’ll find out on Thursday.

But the NP is encouraged by what she saw.  She said that the fact that everything else has shrunk (and shrunk significantly) is a big deal, and said not to b e too discouraged by the spot in my liver.  Although it’s very hard not to be discouraged…Just once I’d like to get test results back without hearing a “but”…Next time!!!!!

Chemo and CT Scan tomorrow!

I’ve been feeling really good!  I have chemo tomorrow, and a CT scan!  Eek, I’m getting really nervous about the scan.  I feel so good, I really don’t even want to know how it’s doing….just let me go on in my own little happy world, where I feel good and am going about my daily life.  I’m afraid that if the results are bad, the emotional swing will make me feel bad physically, also…if that makes sense.  Ignorance is bliss sometimes….

I’ll update as soon as I can with the results.

Tony started feeling ache-y yesterday, but thought it was from running this weekend.  This morning, he felt worse…so he went to the Dr today – he has the flu!!!!  So, he is now staying at a hotel to try to keep me from getting it.   I hate that he’s sick!  Not only do I hate to see him feeling under the weather, but it also means that he can’t go to the clinic with me to get the results of the scan.  My sister will be with me, though, so I won’t be alone.

I have to make a slight correction to my last post…apparently, I don’t have quite as much silver as I thought.  But it’s all in the front, so from what I see – it’s alot…but everyone says it’s more like 10-15%, not quite 25%.  I’d be fine with either…either way, I’ve earned it, and I’m proud of my hair “bling”!