Kathleen Marie Herd Phillips

 

December 29, 1975 – July 25, 2010

Kathy passed away early this morning in the hospice facility where she has spent the last week of her life.  Kelly (our older sister) and I were by her side and she was at peace. 

Since arriving at the hospice facility on Monday, Kathy had experienced several lucid days in the middle of the week.  During this time, she told jokes, frequently rolled her eyes in sarcasm at our attempts at humor, and visited briefly with her daughter.  She shared  several of her favorite memories and consistently thanked our family and the hospice staff for everything that was being done for her to ensure her comfort.  On several occasions, she noted that she “liked it” at the facility and that it was a “nice place to be”.  By Thursday afternoon, she was comfortable but no longer responsive.  At the time of her passing, she was not in any pain and appeared peaceful.

Kathy was, first and foremost, a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend.  She took each and every one of her roles in life seriously, although always with a sense of humor and goodness, and was an exceptional human being in every way.  She and I once had a conversation in which we tried to characterize ourselves (based on what those who knew us would say) with only one word.  The word that we finally chose for her was “good.”  She thought the descriptor was boring…but I thought that it said it all.  She was not only good at all of the roles and tasks on which she set her sights, but she was also a good-hearted person.  She had an amazing spirit and always strived to ensure that everyone else was happy, comfortable, and content in her presence.  This was the way she lived her life and, I believe, this is the way that she should forever be remembered.

For anyone who would like to join us in celebrating Kathy’s life, a service will be held at 7:00 p.m. on Wednesday, July 28, 2010, at the Chapel of Hall-Wynne Funeral Service (1113 W. Main St. in Durham).  Friends are welcome to visit the family prior to the service (at the Chapel) from 5:30-7:00 p.m.

On Thursday, right before falling into her deepest and final sleep, Kathy told me that she did not want flowers…instead, she wanted people to make donations to an organization that focused on improving the lives of children with cancer.  Therefore, should you be interested in memorializing Kathy’s loving spirit and the “goodness” that made her the special person that she was to all of us, please feel free to make a donation, in Kathy’s memory, to Specialove for Children with Cancer at www.specialove.org.

Thank you all for supporting Kathy throughout her fight and for following her journey to the end.  She will never be forgotten and will continue to inspire us all with our own special memories and moments that we were fortunate enough to have shared with her. 

With love,

Corey

The Worst

I hate to even say it…but it’s me (Corey) again.  Kathy asked me to get on her blog once more to get in touch with all of you.  I am so sad to tell you that I don’t have any good news.  She asked that I fill you all in, though, so here is the update:

Kathy’s procedure to place the stent in her bile duct (in order to get her liver working again) was scheduled for this past Monday.  The radiologists decided that afternoon that she was not a candidate for the stent after all because of the tumors in her liver…so they opted instead for an external drain.  That procedure was completed on Monday afternoon; following extreme pain on Tuesday, however, she went back into surgery only to discover that the tube had a perforation in it…and she needed to have it removed and replaced immediately.  The tube was replaced and the majority of the pain in that area dissipated. 

Unfortunately, that evening and into Wednesday, Kathy continued to have severe pain in her back…her cough was worsening as well.  We discovered that she now has a tumor on her backbone that was causing additional pain and the cancer has also continued to advance quickly in her lungs…she was officially diagnosed with “advance-stage lung disease.”  Even at that point, however, her oncologist continued to focus on the improvement of the liver:  “If the liver function improves with the drain, we can send you home.  If we can send you home, we can begin the next round of chemotherapy to target the cancer in the lungs—and now, in the backbone.”

By Thursday, Kathy was in and out of consciousness, primarily because of the pain medication that she needed to maintain any level of comfort (and honestly, it still seemed as though she was in a great deal of pain), and secondary to the lack of liver function (this can also cause extreme fatigue).  The bilirubin number HAD gone down slightly that day, though…so perhaps the drain was finally working…??

On Friday, however, the bilirubin began to go back up…NOT what we wanted to see…and Kathy continued to need oxygen simply to breathe.  Occasionally, her cough got the better of her and she fought for breathe with everything that she had.  By this morning (Saturday), the bilirubin had increased even more.  Kathy has been in extreme pain, despite the codeine that she has been given…and her lungs are simply no longer doing their job.

Essentially, she is now in liver failure.  The doctors are as devastated as we are but have told us that there is nothing more that they can do…Per Kathy’s wishes, she is going to remain in the hospital for the weekend and then on Monday, we are going to transport her to, and make sure that she is as comfortable—and pain-free—as possible in, an in-patient hospice facility that is a little closer to home.  The doctors are now predicting that she has anywhere from two days to several weeks left with us. She has asked that only immediate family visit her…she wants everyone to remember her only as the strong and vibrant fighter that she truly is!

Although Kathy is probably not going to be able to proof-read this blog of mine (I made sure that she went through my last one with a fine-tooth comb before posting it!), and as hard as it is for me to even type this, I promised her that I would let you all know what is going on because, even now, she hates to leave everyone in the dark…so with that said, please send all the love, light, and prayers that you have in your hearts this way.

A Tough Time

Hi Everyone…so this is actually Corey, Kathy’s sister…not to worry!!!  She is hanging in there and doing all right.  Kathy asked that I update everyone since your support has been so amazing.  She is counting on all of you to pray for her and to keep her in your thoughts—but at this point, she is literally just too fatigued to do the writing (although we all know that I can’t even try to do her amazing writing over the last six months any justice at all!). 

The update is as follows: 

Approximately two weeks ago, Kathy began to struggle with her cough and with fatigue.  She contacted her oncologist a few times…initially, the physician told her that it “was related to the cancer”; eventually, the physician relented and told her to come in for some testing.  Based on the testing, it was clear that she had a urinary tract infection.  Okay…this was treatable.  Not a problem, right?—Go on antibiotics…Unfortunately, however, the medication did not seem to dissuade the fatigue…and the itchiness…and the cough…and the bruising…Kathy assumed that these were all symptoms related to the ugly cancer itself.  These symptoms could be addressed by the chemo, right?!…The goal was to GET THE CHEMO!  This past Friday, feeling the worst that she has felt in several months, we went to Duke for her chemotherapy (the new cocktail prescribed by the folks at MD Anderson)!

Following the initial blood tests (always the prelude to the chemotherapy), we were told that her liver was not working properly…hence the reason for her jaundiced appearance, bruising, itchiness, and ultra-fatigue.  Ultimately, a duct was clogged, which needs to be opened in order to ensure that her liver is doing its job.  She needed to be admitted and chemotherapy was not going to be an option this week.   Needless to say, Kathy was NOT happy about this…perhaps defeated is the best word to describe the response.    To add insult to injury, based on a CT scan that afternoon, we discovered that the cancer has spread in both her liver and her lungs; ultimately, the tumors have grown in her liver and are now blocking the ducts that allow the liver to function properly. Seriously?!  It’s only been six weeks since the last chemotherapy infusion…DAMN CANCER!!!

After multiple hours of waiting and the CT scan to confirm the blocked duct, a bed was made available and Kathy was transported to the hospital for admission into the Cancer Treatment Unit.  She is now resting (comfortably thanks to multiple doses of codeine and lots of additional intravenous antibiotics) and is waiting for Monday (or Tuesday), when she will have the stent procedure to open up a duct into her liver.   This procedure (Everyone, cross your fingers!!!) will make her MUCH more comfortable and energetic…it will also allow for her to begin the new chemotherapy regime in a week or so, assuming that the procedure goes as planned. 

Kathy is feeling a bit more optimistic again…she believes that she will at least FEEL better again—and I agree!!!…AND she is trusting her amazing husband and crazy family (me included—she is a total nut for this part, by the way!) to take care of her amazing, beautiful, above-average-in-every-way daughter while she is in the hospital. 

I am hoping that she will take back the reigns to this blog as soon as possible…obviously, she is the talented one in the family when it comes to writing…I am simply the big sisterJ.  If everyone can cross their fingers, pray to their gods (God), and send forth their biggest and best hugs, however, I would much appreciate it!!!  Thank you—and Kathy will be back on-line soon!

The plan

I met with my Oncologist today.  He wanted to get me into a Trial, here at Duke…4 chemos, 2 of which I had the last round – Oxilliplatin and Xeloda.  But because my white count kept dropping before, I wasn’t eligible.

So, now the plan is to start the chemo regimen Dr. A recommended last week…but I’ll have it done here, so I won’t have to travel.  It will be an infusion every 2 weeks.

I’ve been having some pretty bad stomach aches for the past week…my Oncologist said it’s to be expected, and recommended pain killers.  I’m not ready for those yet!  In my mind, that’s like admitting defeat – and I’m not ready to do that!  But today I got sick this morning and tonight.  I have to get this back under control, or I will start to lose the weight that I worked so very hard to put on.

I’m ready for chemo to start again….at least then I will feel like I’m doing something.

On a bright side…at just 15 months old (15 months, 1 week and 6 days – to be exact!) Alison pee’d in the potty!!!!!  We weren’t pushing her to do that yet…but she was at daycare, and has been acting interested – so her teacher decided to give it a try today, and she did it!!!!  It still gets me how excited I get about the silliest little things…My baby’s growing up so fast, I wish I could just freeze time.

We’re back!

We’re home! Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers.

I went for the consultation, and the Dr. was very nice…straight-forward and to the point.  No beating around the bush for him!  Which was good…I hate it when I leave a Drs office more confused then when I go in.  Not the case at MD Anderson!

He gave me 2 options…the first was a clinical trial – but there was a 33% chance that I would be given a placebo instead of the actual medicine.  At my age, with a 15-month old daughter and a husband, those odds were too high for me.

So I opted for the 2nd option…A different chemotherapy drug that I will get via infusion every 2 weeks.  I’m a little nervous about how my body may react to it…but I’m eager to get started on it.  I feel like this break from treatment has gone on too long, and I need to get back in the game.

The Dr. didn’t say the words that I so desperately wanted to hear – that this was all just a big mix-up and mistake and I was perfectly healthy…but at least he has a plan.

I meet with my regular oncologist here on Monday, and we’ll hopefully start to move forward soon with treatment.

It’s been a roller-coaster few days, emotionally.  Alot of thoughts have run through my head…thoughts that I’ve been trying to avoid having.  As hard as I am going to fight, and as much as I’m determined to win…I still need to be realistic…and this is going to be ugly.  I just need to stay strong – for my daughter, my husband, my family and friends…I’m going to just have to fight harder.

MD Anderson

So, I’m here!  I’m at the hotel, getting ready to head over to MD Anderson. 

“Nervous” doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now.  A part of me wants to turn around and run home and hide.  I feel like this is it…my last chance…I hate that feeling.  I need to remember – it’s not over until I say it is…and I’m not ready to say it yet.

I’ll keep you all posted!

Link to photos!!!!!

One of the photographers that photographed me and my family is Wende Trew.  She’s out of Wendell, NC and does an amazing job!!!  I’ve photographed weddings with her, when I was shooting more (I’ve taken a break from photography, with everything going on), and she is absolutely wonderful to work with.  She’s been a wonderful mentor for me, and has a heart of gold!

Here’s a link to her blog, if you want to see the pictures of me and my family:  http://atimelessimageblogspot.com/

MD Anderson appt.n coming up!

I heard from MD Anderson – my appointment is 6/22.  I don’t really have any more details yet….so I’ll post when I know more.

This past weekend, I had a family photo-shoot with my amazing husband and beautiful daughter.  I have some amazing friends that are photographers, and they did the shoot.  They gave me permission to post them here, so when I get the files I’ll post some.  It was an emotionally difficult session, for obvious reasons, but they made me feel so comfortable and at ease.  I got a little sneak peak and the images are stunning!!!!  I can’t wait to post them!

Today was my first day without wearing my hats or scarves.  My hair has grown back to a short pixy cut.  You’ll see it in the photos!!  It’s still alittle too short for me, but I got a lot of compliments on it. 

Also this weekend, Tony and I got new phones – Motorola Droids!!!!  Yeah, we’re finally joining the 21st century!  Does this mean I’m going to have to open a Twitter account so I can blog on the fly?!???  I’ve been avoiding Twitter – I can’t get sucked into yet another social site!!!  *sigh* I may cave….we’ll see….

Not great news….

I went back to the Oncologist today, to meet with the lead Dr. on my team, and to have chemo.  It turned into a pretty rough day….

I found out that there’s not just one spot on my liver, but multiple small ones.  So basically, the cancer has spread.  So as far as my past chemo, it’s considered “mixed results” – the tumor in my stomach and lymph nodes have shrunk, but at the same time it’s spread to my liver.  So there’s no point in continuing the chemo regimen that I was on.

The next regimen is Taxal, which is a different drug.

But before we start that, we’ve decided to get a 2nd opinion.  When we brought it up today at the appointment, my Oncologist actually jumped at the suggestion, saying that he encouraged it.  He’s going to try to get me an appointment at MD Anderson in the next few weeks.

In the meantime, I’m on another break from chemo.  He didn’t want to start a new regimen that may cause me to be too sick to travel.

I have a multitude of emotions running through me…on one hand, I’m terrified of what all this may mean…on the other, I still can’t believe that it’s real.

I’m just going to have to fight harder, that’s all.

No Chemo…but CT results!

Thank you for all of the prayers and positive thoughts!!!!  Today was an up and down type of day….

I did not have chemo today – my white cell count was too low again…They didn’t give me a shot to bring my count up – they want to see if it will come back up on its own.  I go back on Thursday to see if they are up and have the chemo then.

Now…onto my CT scan!  I got the results….the cancer that was there originally has shrunk!  The primary tumor in my stomach, and the lymph nodes are showing decreased activity!!!  Yay!!!!!!  Prayers answered!!!!!!

However (there’s always a “however” it seems)….my lungs show the same – not worse, not better.  And now, there’s a spot showing in my liver.  A small spot, but a spot all the same.  So…was that spot there before and the scans just didn’t pick it up?  Is it a new spot?  The Dr. isn’t sure – but it’s not great news….yet another spot to watch.

So…I’ve been meeting with a Nurse Practitioner (NP).  On Thursday, I’ll meet with the Oncologist that is the lead on my team.  He’s going to review my scan and my low counts, and decide if anything needs to be changed with my Chemo.  I’ll find out on Thursday.

But the NP is encouraged by what she saw.  She said that the fact that everything else has shrunk (and shrunk significantly) is a big deal, and said not to b e too discouraged by the spot in my liver.  Although it’s very hard not to be discouraged…Just once I’d like to get test results back without hearing a “but”…Next time!!!!!